From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as:

• Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate

• How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life

• Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering

• Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that?

• Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time

• Airlines serving up one hot mess

• Action figure Jesus

• Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter

• And much more!

You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Mornin' is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.